A year ago I was obese and to be honest quite miserable. I settled with the idea of being obese for the rest of my life. It was sad. I was sad whether I wanted to believe it or not. I actually erased the words overweight and obese from my mental dictionary. I refused to believe I wasn't at a normal weight. I always thought to myself "there's no way I can lose weight. And even if I did I'd always have big hips." I thought I was set for life.
I don't know what happened but all that changed when I turned 30. I imagined myself 30 years from now overweight and unhappy and somehow that was enough to give me a nice push in the right direction.
I started my weight loss journey 9 months ago and now I have only 20 more pounds to lose before I get to my first big goal weight and a healthy bmi. I'm so glad I'm here. I finally realize just how strong I really am.
Before, I always considered myself weak and helpless. I was always the victim. I probably lost friends or potential friends because of how I use to be. It was always so hard to make friends. I couldn't figure out why. I always thought a friend would come along with the same thoughts and feelings as me. I didn't know I use to be so negative. Why would anyone want to hang around a negative person? It can get a bit tiring after awhile. I always blamed it on something else. Never on myself. I did that with everything. Even clothes. "oh European sizes run too small." ha! I was so blind.
I'm not blind anymore though. I'm strong. Now more than ever.
The day I landed in the USA I saw fast food restaurants everywhere! On every corner! I was overwhelmed. My friend had asked me if I wanted her to drive me somewhere to get something to eat. I thought "mmm taco bell!!!" but instead said subway. Because at least I know it's fresh. We went to subway the next day as well when we drove back home. I had water.
I've been faced with temptation ever since I got here. But I am strong. I've walked away from the tempting foods. I'm living a healthy lifestyle and living with my parents!!! I'm doing it!
I will admit it has been hard. I've been doing all the cooking so far. Well, my own meals at least. I don't mind really. It's just a bummer my parents don't always want what I make for dinner. My mom likes it though but has been eating two dinners every night. It hurts me to see her overeating. I tell her she doesn't have to eat with me but she insists and tells me she's hungry. That she saved a bit of room in her stomach. I honestly think she's just trying to please my dad and me. I know she doesn't need all that food. And for some reason they don't touch my healthy food. I have been buying plenty for everyone yet they claim I'll get angry if they touch it. Honestly, that's the old me they are thinking of. I'd rather them finish my healthy stuff.
So yeah it's been a bit challenging but I'm hanging in there. If it wasn't for me exercising though i know I'd be getting a headache every single day. I'm mentally strong now and that's something I never thought I'd have. Mental health.
I've suffered from depression in my past. Always feeling horrible about myself. Always figuring out a way to hurt myself, it wasn't always physical. I had no idea I was already hurting myself everyday by eating junk and giving my body what it really didn't need. No wonder I was depressed. Before I started losing weight I actually asked myself "what will I do about my depression after I lose weight?" I had no idea it was tied with my being overweight. So when I actually started losing I was pleasantly surprised to find out I wasn't feeling that way anymore. This last winter was my first winter I didn't feel depressed. I was no longer the victim. For that I was thankful. I felt free!
I still feel that way. I see now the prison I kept myself in for many years. I see other people inside their own prison and it's very sad. It's even worse when it's your own parents. My mom is the victim and has been for many years. Her and my dad argue, she cries and gets depressed. I use to be that way. But now when hubby and I argue (which is much much less than before) I go to the gym or try to burn off some steam by doing something productive. I seem to clean the best when I'm upset ;) I don't sit around and cry waiting for an apology anymore. I don't need an apology to make me feel better. Husbands arent always right ya know ;) lol
And speaking of being mentally strong, I see more positive now than before. My mom never sees the positive in a situation. The littlest thing will set her off into a domino effect of emotions. I tell her to calm down and that it's no big deal. I try to tell her the positive and sometimes she calms down and sees it. She is still the victim though. Weak. And I find it so sad. I tell her she can be strong if she wanted to be. It takes some work but it is possible! Even at her age. Both my parents keep saying they are too old to do anything anymore. I don't think that's all true. They lack energy from being overweight and blame it on age. I think part is from age but the other part from their extra weight. They have never been active. Guess that's why I have never been skinny before.
Now I want to be as active as I can be. It's a bit hard while living here though. My parents don't like to go anywhere :) tv and couch is all they need. It's hard not to drag myself into their world. I wish they were more active. But they never have been. I guess thats why I was so overweight for most of my life. It's hard not to blame them because well, habits start young. Now I just try to learn from their mistakes. Like I have said before, I don't want my kids to go down the road I did. I'm glad I'm starting while they are still young! Just the other day my daughter requested salmon and veggies for dinner! She loved the veggies though. I think the cheese had a bit to do with that ;) I have been enjoying the Steamers vegetables lately!
Speaking of food. I'm still getting used to all the American products here. It has been fun exploring. :) I hope to find a new balance sooner or later though. Cooking in a kitchen that is not yours is quite different. :)
So yeah I have been thinking a lot about things lately. With my parents. It has been a bit draining dealing with them everday. Explaining to them why I do what I do. Why I am the way that i am. How my diet is NOT a diet but if you must use that word then its my "diet for life". It's fun explaining to them that this is NOT temporary but a permanent lifestyle change. I WANT to exercise for the rest of my life. I know it's good for me! :) not just physically but mentally too. I like to call this world "The Wonderful World of Fitness". I try to explain it to my mom but she doesn't get it. I don't think she ever will. Or even wants to. She still has some of her old habits from her past. Like eating leftovers (which includes my kids) just so that she doesn't have to throw it away or maybe even because for so long in her young life she would go a whole day without eating. I try to tell her to let go of the past. To be thankful that she's where she is right now. In a good place. Move forward. I guess it's easier said than done though. Oh well. I still love her. She's my mom. But it hurts me to see her putting herself through unnecessary pain (physically and mentally). I can't do much about it though. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing.
One funny thing that happened this past week was a bit about learning a new language. A man came over and said man spent 7 years in costa rica and learned the language during that time. My dad then asked "7 years? I have been living in the USA for way more than that and how come I can't speak English fluently? Like you speak Spanish fluently?" I have first hand experience. The man joked around and said you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But then mentioned you have to want to learn it. I lacked motivation for so many years but the past couple of months the block that once used to be there disappeared and I started embracing the new language slowly. Better late than never I guess. :) I still want to keep at it. It will be a bit harder now but I think I can do it. I told my dad that he must not want to learn it otherwise he would have years ago. He can't tell me I'm wrong anymore though because I have first hand experience. That goes for eating healthy too! That feels good. He just looked at me and said "I guess" a bit of denial in his voice but he knows I'm right. He hates admitting when he's wrong. lol
Well those are my thoughts this morning. Going to hit the farmers market later today., :) yeah! I haven't been to it in years!
~L
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday morning thoughts...
First of all, I wish I could share pictures!!!! I had a whole wheat English muffin, a slice of sharp cheddar cheese, egg white, sandwich for breakfast this morning. I also added a couple slices of tomato, and a small handful of salad greens. Yum! Sure beats mcdonalds any day! :) oh yeah I also made some turkey sausage links on the side. 2 is one serving for 90 cals and about 300ish g of sodium. No carbs, low in fat. (Jennie-o?) it was a really good breakfast. I didn't add any salt to my eggs. Actually I haven't really touched salt since I got here. I don't need it. Everything else seems to have enough of it for the entire meal. :) just got to remember to drink my water and enough of it every day! I try to start my day out by drinking two glasses of water. Ok I also made the same thing for my mom. She really liked it. :) and agreed that it was filling. I estimated about 350 calories for the entire meal. So good!!! I love the nutrition facts!
Ok second, I weighed myself this morning (even though I know I shouldn't have) and seemed to have lost a pound this week. It just feels nice knowing I'm still losing even though im eating different foods than before and even though my exercise routine is different as well. :) i am still prepared for no losses though but if I lose than that's just a bonus for me! I'm in this for life and just because I'm not losing much at the moment doesn't mean I'm going to stop exercising and stop eating right. So far I have been making my own meals and I'm ok with that! :) I love my moms food though but ever since coming here I've realized just how strong I really am. I did have a bean burrito with cheese for lunch the other day though but with a whole wheat tortilla, and low fat cheese. That was my lunch for the day. I had fruit as a snack a little later.
I have noticed my parents dont really eat vegetables all that much with their meals. My dad had steak and beans and Mexican rice for dinner just last night. No veggies. I don't think beans counts as a veggie does it? I'm going to have to try to add veggies to their meals even if just steamed from a bag. :) btw I wasn't here last night during their dinner. I was at the gym doing two classes. It's so funny. I'm quite used to doing two classes in one day and everyone at the gym was like "you are doing this one too?" I was like "sure why not?" ;) it's fun! I'm glad I had an apple in my bag. I was quite hungry after both classes. I was going to pack some nuts in my bag but was in a hurry. I'm thinking something in between classes would be great.
Also, another funny thing I came across last night....I googled something because I was curious. Well, I had no idea that non romantic "girl crushes" are real. It sort of explains why I feel the way that I do after leaving a few great people behind. Hmmm... Strange feeling it is. lol that's never happened to me before. Needless to say, I miss a certain someone. A couple people the most really. I'm glad we have Internet to stay in touch though. I think a great friendship could have blossomed after some time. But oh well that's life I guess. I hope I feel the same way about other people later on in my life. I could use a best girl friend. :)
Ok enough thoughts for this morning. My legs are sore! lol I still want to do spinning this evening though. :)
~L
Ok second, I weighed myself this morning (even though I know I shouldn't have) and seemed to have lost a pound this week. It just feels nice knowing I'm still losing even though im eating different foods than before and even though my exercise routine is different as well. :) i am still prepared for no losses though but if I lose than that's just a bonus for me! I'm in this for life and just because I'm not losing much at the moment doesn't mean I'm going to stop exercising and stop eating right. So far I have been making my own meals and I'm ok with that! :) I love my moms food though but ever since coming here I've realized just how strong I really am. I did have a bean burrito with cheese for lunch the other day though but with a whole wheat tortilla, and low fat cheese. That was my lunch for the day. I had fruit as a snack a little later.
I have noticed my parents dont really eat vegetables all that much with their meals. My dad had steak and beans and Mexican rice for dinner just last night. No veggies. I don't think beans counts as a veggie does it? I'm going to have to try to add veggies to their meals even if just steamed from a bag. :) btw I wasn't here last night during their dinner. I was at the gym doing two classes. It's so funny. I'm quite used to doing two classes in one day and everyone at the gym was like "you are doing this one too?" I was like "sure why not?" ;) it's fun! I'm glad I had an apple in my bag. I was quite hungry after both classes. I was going to pack some nuts in my bag but was in a hurry. I'm thinking something in between classes would be great.
Also, another funny thing I came across last night....I googled something because I was curious. Well, I had no idea that non romantic "girl crushes" are real. It sort of explains why I feel the way that I do after leaving a few great people behind. Hmmm... Strange feeling it is. lol that's never happened to me before. Needless to say, I miss a certain someone. A couple people the most really. I'm glad we have Internet to stay in touch though. I think a great friendship could have blossomed after some time. But oh well that's life I guess. I hope I feel the same way about other people later on in my life. I could use a best girl friend. :)
Ok enough thoughts for this morning. My legs are sore! lol I still want to do spinning this evening though. :)
~L
Monday, March 28, 2011
Conversations with my Dad...
I just HAD to share this.
I don't talk to my dad all that often. There's a reason for that. First of all, he LOVES to talk...about politics, or what's on the news, or about the Bible. He loves to talk about pretty much everything except himself. But when he does talk about himself he talks about his diabetes (type 2) and maybe his work. He really gets into talking sometimes that he starts, without meaning to, debates with the other person. Sometimes with me but we don't talk all that often on the phone. We butt heads I guess you could say. lol We get along just fine but he really enjoys arguing with me and he always wants to win...but so do I. <em>246</em> I do love him though. He's my dad! But we do "fight" often on certain things. It's all a bit amusing later on when I think about it though.
For the past couple of years I've been "lecturing" him about what he should be eating and not be eating because of his diabetes 2. He would not take me seriously. And well, now that I'm on "this side" I can see why. I mean, I wasn't even taking MY OWN advice so why should he??? I get it. I had no right to tell him what to eat and not to eat. But I knew what I was talking about. It was just eating a healthy diet. Or I *thought* I knew what I was talking about. lol! Wow! Was I ever blind? huh? Geez! No wonder everything I told him went in one ear and out the other.
So he answered the phone today (I bet he later regretted it LOL!!!). Here's a bit of what we talked about.
Me: "So do you know how much I weigh now?"
Him: "Um, I don't know, how much?"
Me: "I weigh 158 pounds now."
Him: "Wow! You've lost a lot of weight now. So, you're finished right? You've reached your ideal weight haven't you?"
Me: "Um no! I have about 33 more pounds to lose. My ideal weight is about 120-125 pounds."
Him: "Wow! (*he sounded a bit shocked*) You're going to be so skinny!"
Me: "I'm going to be healthy. At my ideal weight."
He pretty much thinks I should stay where I'm at. He said "If I lost any weight (*he weighs about 175-180 pounds and is just a couple inches taller than me*) I'd blow away with the wind!!!"
My other thought is this. He has no reason to doubt me anymore. I am proof that losing weight by eating healthy and exercising IS possible. I'm hoping my change will help him AND my mom a bit. I want them to live longer. I hope I can open their eyes too some time. I have already in a few ways. They are eating more fish (because I told my dad to "JUST TRY IT ONCE!", eating more vegetables it seems, drinking more water, eating more fruit. But they are still eating out once or twice a week, eating double their portions. Trust me I know they think they are eating just right for them but for the longest time in my life I thought my portions were just right. Boy, when I started counting calories I was SO wrong about that. lol Big eye opener calorie counting was. Yep!
Then I asked him if his Dr. has told him that if he lost a bit of weight then he would probably not be on medication for his diabetes 2 anymore. He said his Dr. hasn't said anything to him at all. Which I find a bit weird. For the past couple of years I have been telling him "ASK your Dr. about it!" He kept saying "Yes I will." But has yet to ask. I told him it's not really hereditary. Not type 2. The searches I have done online mostly say it's not. He only has it because of lack of exercise and poor diet. I know my dad. He LOVES to eat. Buffets and him get along very well. My mom is overweight too. I honestly don't know how to stop it.
This summer is going to be so different for me you have NO idea! I have not seen my parents since July of last summer. According to my dad I'm losing an unhealthy amount of weight. Now, keep in mind, I find these thoughts of his a bit amusing. lol I know I'm not losing an unhealthy amount of weight. I know where I need to be. I've been to my Dr and I have done my research. I don't blame him for thinking that though. I've been overweight my entire life. He has gotten used to seeing me "obese". It was my "normal" to him and my mom for many many years! Wow. Are they in for the shock of their lives when they see me IN PERSON for the first time in months!! I've sent them a few pictures of me but seeing me in person is so different. I'll feel like one of those biggest loser contestants going home after losing a big amount of weight. :-) I'm on my own "weight loss ranch" right now. haha!
I have thought of different scenarios that might happen this summer though. My parents ALWAYS call me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even if I'm not hungry. Actually, I never go hungry while I'm at their house. I never get as far as my stomach grumbling. I do here. Oh yeah and there's also the whole thing about so many good foods sold in the States. Well "good" before I started losing weight. Not really all that great now. :) During the summer I always want to stuff myself silly with my favorite foods because I'm there for such a short time. I always come back ten pounds heavier. NOT THIS SUMMER!!! Nope nope! I am determined to continue my healthy eating even though I will be living with my parents for about 1-2 months. That very first day I'm going to visit the gyms in their town and get started! I'm way too scared of gaining weight. I *might* gain 1-2 pounds but hopefully not more than that. I'm definitely going to have a very challenging summer getting adjusted to living somewhere else. :-) Oh yeah and I plan on counting calories again sometime this summer. The nutrition facts there are awesome and so easy to follow! :)
Can you tell I've been thinking a lot about this? As the time gets closer, it's just becoming more and more real. This is REALLY happening. I'm really moving! It's a bittersweet feeling though. I WILL miss a lot of things here and some people. For the past few months I've not been wanting to meet new people but as I've been losing weight I've noticed I've gotten more social so it's getting a bit hard. Ahh! Oh well. I'll be fine. :) There's always the internet to keep in touch! That and I know I'll be back to visit in the future. My kids are from here. I'm sure they'd love to see Norway again someday. I know I will want them to see it.
I look forward to the future! I'm going to embrace it with a smile on my face and a positive attitude!
~L
I don't talk to my dad all that often. There's a reason for that. First of all, he LOVES to talk...about politics, or what's on the news, or about the Bible. He loves to talk about pretty much everything except himself. But when he does talk about himself he talks about his diabetes (type 2) and maybe his work. He really gets into talking sometimes that he starts, without meaning to, debates with the other person. Sometimes with me but we don't talk all that often on the phone. We butt heads I guess you could say. lol We get along just fine but he really enjoys arguing with me and he always wants to win...but so do I. <em>246</em> I do love him though. He's my dad! But we do "fight" often on certain things. It's all a bit amusing later on when I think about it though.
For the past couple of years I've been "lecturing" him about what he should be eating and not be eating because of his diabetes 2. He would not take me seriously. And well, now that I'm on "this side" I can see why. I mean, I wasn't even taking MY OWN advice so why should he??? I get it. I had no right to tell him what to eat and not to eat. But I knew what I was talking about. It was just eating a healthy diet. Or I *thought* I knew what I was talking about. lol! Wow! Was I ever blind? huh? Geez! No wonder everything I told him went in one ear and out the other.
So he answered the phone today (I bet he later regretted it LOL!!!). Here's a bit of what we talked about.
Me: "So do you know how much I weigh now?"
Him: "Um, I don't know, how much?"
Me: "I weigh 158 pounds now."
Him: "Wow! You've lost a lot of weight now. So, you're finished right? You've reached your ideal weight haven't you?"
Me: "Um no! I have about 33 more pounds to lose. My ideal weight is about 120-125 pounds."
Him: "Wow! (*he sounded a bit shocked*) You're going to be so skinny!"
Me: "I'm going to be healthy. At my ideal weight."
He pretty much thinks I should stay where I'm at. He said "If I lost any weight (*he weighs about 175-180 pounds and is just a couple inches taller than me*) I'd blow away with the wind!!!"
My other thought is this. He has no reason to doubt me anymore. I am proof that losing weight by eating healthy and exercising IS possible. I'm hoping my change will help him AND my mom a bit. I want them to live longer. I hope I can open their eyes too some time. I have already in a few ways. They are eating more fish (because I told my dad to "JUST TRY IT ONCE!", eating more vegetables it seems, drinking more water, eating more fruit. But they are still eating out once or twice a week, eating double their portions. Trust me I know they think they are eating just right for them but for the longest time in my life I thought my portions were just right. Boy, when I started counting calories I was SO wrong about that. lol Big eye opener calorie counting was. Yep!
Then I asked him if his Dr. has told him that if he lost a bit of weight then he would probably not be on medication for his diabetes 2 anymore. He said his Dr. hasn't said anything to him at all. Which I find a bit weird. For the past couple of years I have been telling him "ASK your Dr. about it!" He kept saying "Yes I will." But has yet to ask. I told him it's not really hereditary. Not type 2. The searches I have done online mostly say it's not. He only has it because of lack of exercise and poor diet. I know my dad. He LOVES to eat. Buffets and him get along very well. My mom is overweight too. I honestly don't know how to stop it.
This summer is going to be so different for me you have NO idea! I have not seen my parents since July of last summer. According to my dad I'm losing an unhealthy amount of weight. Now, keep in mind, I find these thoughts of his a bit amusing. lol I know I'm not losing an unhealthy amount of weight. I know where I need to be. I've been to my Dr and I have done my research. I don't blame him for thinking that though. I've been overweight my entire life. He has gotten used to seeing me "obese". It was my "normal" to him and my mom for many many years! Wow. Are they in for the shock of their lives when they see me IN PERSON for the first time in months!! I've sent them a few pictures of me but seeing me in person is so different. I'll feel like one of those biggest loser contestants going home after losing a big amount of weight. :-) I'm on my own "weight loss ranch" right now. haha!
I have thought of different scenarios that might happen this summer though. My parents ALWAYS call me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even if I'm not hungry. Actually, I never go hungry while I'm at their house. I never get as far as my stomach grumbling. I do here. Oh yeah and there's also the whole thing about so many good foods sold in the States. Well "good" before I started losing weight. Not really all that great now. :) During the summer I always want to stuff myself silly with my favorite foods because I'm there for such a short time. I always come back ten pounds heavier. NOT THIS SUMMER!!! Nope nope! I am determined to continue my healthy eating even though I will be living with my parents for about 1-2 months. That very first day I'm going to visit the gyms in their town and get started! I'm way too scared of gaining weight. I *might* gain 1-2 pounds but hopefully not more than that. I'm definitely going to have a very challenging summer getting adjusted to living somewhere else. :-) Oh yeah and I plan on counting calories again sometime this summer. The nutrition facts there are awesome and so easy to follow! :)
Can you tell I've been thinking a lot about this? As the time gets closer, it's just becoming more and more real. This is REALLY happening. I'm really moving! It's a bittersweet feeling though. I WILL miss a lot of things here and some people. For the past few months I've not been wanting to meet new people but as I've been losing weight I've noticed I've gotten more social so it's getting a bit hard. Ahh! Oh well. I'll be fine. :) There's always the internet to keep in touch! That and I know I'll be back to visit in the future. My kids are from here. I'm sure they'd love to see Norway again someday. I know I will want them to see it.
I look forward to the future! I'm going to embrace it with a smile on my face and a positive attitude!
~L
Privacy
I'm thinking I need to start a more private blog so this is it! I'm continuing with my weight loss blog but here in private. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I hate feeling like an open book over at spark :-) But it's ok! I don't mind sharing some stuff.
Anyway, yeah. That's it for now.
~L
Anyway, yeah. That's it for now.
~L
Food oh Yummy Food!
My family and I took our last trip to Sweden on a, what they call here "harrytur". For the past couple of years we would go to Sweden to buy meat, chicken, beef, etc. because it is quite a bit cheaper there than here. AND at the store we go to they also have an American food section. I used to LOVE buying stuff from that section but after starting a healthy diet, there's nothing I really want from that section anymore. OH I still bought some generic fruit loops for my kids though and for me. You know, for those times I want something sweet to munch on :-)
Anyway, we had dinner at the mall and I always really dread eating out somewhere because everything is SO unhealthy!!! I could have ordered a salad but all the dressing, ugh. No. So I ordered a chicken burger. It had mayo inside and came with some fries. I thought I was really going to go over my calories for the day if I ate ALL of it. So, instead, I just ate the chicken inside, the salad it came with (very little!) and munched on some of the fries. I didn't bother eating the bun it came with. So, I might have been "ok" on calories but way too high on sodium. But you know what, it's ok! I didn't beat myself over this. I felt GOOD about the choices I made. I chose not to eat the bread, saving me what...200ish calories probably? I drank water too. I told my husband "Sorry I have to be so picky now about my food" since I left the bread and half the fries at the end. <em>246</em> but I was satisfied. (we ate dinner at about 4pm) Later that night I had melon, some apple slices and a banana as a snack. Mmm loved the melon! So, I went to bed feeling good and satisfied. Now, rewind 8 months ago...there's NO WAY I would have been satisfied with eating just fruit as a snack. NOPE! Forget it...especially after leaving half my plate of dinner!
So I was sitting here thinking about the food that I make and eat. You know, it hasn't changed all that much from before BUT I do make stuff from scratch a lot more now than before. And I eat more vegetables now too. Before I would buy packaged soups and stuff that you just add this or that. Stuff loaded with sodium and lots of calories! I also always used taco seasoning for when I made tacos. Now, I mix my own taco seasoning with the spices I have here at home and my tacos taste pretty darn good! I still eat tacos :-) Usually just one taco or two, or I fix myself a taco salad, or eat it in a whole wheat tortilla and make myself a burrito instead. Use low fat cheese, low fat sour cream or plain yogurt, lean ground beef or my new favorite ground chicken (only 5% fat) LOTS of veggies on top!!! Tastes pretty darn good if you ask me.
So, I still make my favorite dishes but try my best to make them healthier (adding more veggies or changing to whole wheat, etc.) AND my portions are small. Well, smaller than before. I know what a portion size is now and always try to stick with that. I don't count calories anymore so I have to just SEE it on my plate and then I usually know if it's too much or too little. I usually go nuts on the veggies though especially if it's my favorite. (..asparagus, zucchini!!!!) :) You know, I never thought I'd get to this point but I stopped counting calories last December because I just couldn't keep up with it anymore. And I've lost about 30 pounds since then. And guess what? I still enjoy chocolate, soda, sweet bread, or any other "bad" food every now and then. ;-) I just don't eat them ALL the time. Just once every couple weeks or so. Or if I feel like I've been good on calories all day, I enjoy a small piece of chocolate in the evening.
I'm just glad I can make the right choices now. I'm surprised I get full a lot sooner than before. I never leave the table feeling "stuffed". If I'm feeling extremely full it's probably because of all the water I drink either before or after my meal. Usually one or two glasses of water. It really does help. :-) I think I've found something that really works for me. And everyone is different. You will eventually find something that works for you.
I'm looking forward to seeing my parents reaction this summer though when it comes to me eating. I'm sure they are going to think I'm not eating enough. For ALL my life they have seen me eat, well, a lot more than I do now, keeping me the way I was (well...ya know...overweight). I'm sure it will be a bit of a shock at first. I'm slowly preparing myself, more mentally than anything else, for that new challenge. I can't wait!
Oh but wait...that means I have to say goodbye to everything around here. So sad. But that's another story. :(
~L
Anyway, we had dinner at the mall and I always really dread eating out somewhere because everything is SO unhealthy!!! I could have ordered a salad but all the dressing, ugh. No. So I ordered a chicken burger. It had mayo inside and came with some fries. I thought I was really going to go over my calories for the day if I ate ALL of it. So, instead, I just ate the chicken inside, the salad it came with (very little!) and munched on some of the fries. I didn't bother eating the bun it came with. So, I might have been "ok" on calories but way too high on sodium. But you know what, it's ok! I didn't beat myself over this. I felt GOOD about the choices I made. I chose not to eat the bread, saving me what...200ish calories probably? I drank water too. I told my husband "Sorry I have to be so picky now about my food" since I left the bread and half the fries at the end. <em>246</em> but I was satisfied. (we ate dinner at about 4pm) Later that night I had melon, some apple slices and a banana as a snack. Mmm loved the melon! So, I went to bed feeling good and satisfied. Now, rewind 8 months ago...there's NO WAY I would have been satisfied with eating just fruit as a snack. NOPE! Forget it...especially after leaving half my plate of dinner!
So I was sitting here thinking about the food that I make and eat. You know, it hasn't changed all that much from before BUT I do make stuff from scratch a lot more now than before. And I eat more vegetables now too. Before I would buy packaged soups and stuff that you just add this or that. Stuff loaded with sodium and lots of calories! I also always used taco seasoning for when I made tacos. Now, I mix my own taco seasoning with the spices I have here at home and my tacos taste pretty darn good! I still eat tacos :-) Usually just one taco or two, or I fix myself a taco salad, or eat it in a whole wheat tortilla and make myself a burrito instead. Use low fat cheese, low fat sour cream or plain yogurt, lean ground beef or my new favorite ground chicken (only 5% fat) LOTS of veggies on top!!! Tastes pretty darn good if you ask me.
So, I still make my favorite dishes but try my best to make them healthier (adding more veggies or changing to whole wheat, etc.) AND my portions are small. Well, smaller than before. I know what a portion size is now and always try to stick with that. I don't count calories anymore so I have to just SEE it on my plate and then I usually know if it's too much or too little. I usually go nuts on the veggies though especially if it's my favorite. (..asparagus, zucchini!!!!) :) You know, I never thought I'd get to this point but I stopped counting calories last December because I just couldn't keep up with it anymore. And I've lost about 30 pounds since then. And guess what? I still enjoy chocolate, soda, sweet bread, or any other "bad" food every now and then. ;-) I just don't eat them ALL the time. Just once every couple weeks or so. Or if I feel like I've been good on calories all day, I enjoy a small piece of chocolate in the evening.
I'm just glad I can make the right choices now. I'm surprised I get full a lot sooner than before. I never leave the table feeling "stuffed". If I'm feeling extremely full it's probably because of all the water I drink either before or after my meal. Usually one or two glasses of water. It really does help. :-) I think I've found something that really works for me. And everyone is different. You will eventually find something that works for you.
I'm looking forward to seeing my parents reaction this summer though when it comes to me eating. I'm sure they are going to think I'm not eating enough. For ALL my life they have seen me eat, well, a lot more than I do now, keeping me the way I was (well...ya know...overweight). I'm sure it will be a bit of a shock at first. I'm slowly preparing myself, more mentally than anything else, for that new challenge. I can't wait!
Oh but wait...that means I have to say goodbye to everything around here. So sad. But that's another story. :(
~L
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
New Weight today
Yesterday and today I've been in the 81's!!!!! Yesterday at 81.7, today at 81.5 !!!! Oh my hard work is paying off!!! I am now 179.3 pounds!!! WOOHOO!!! I'm happy =)
Weird Dreams
I had a very strange dream last night. Some guy that I didn't even know was in it. I was in a weird place. Like, an alternate world only it wasn't. I didn't like it when I looked at it from my own point of view but from whoever I was in the dream it was all I knew. I dreamed I was with this guy. I don't know who he was. I didn't see his face. He was someone I really liked though. Someone I lusted after as well as loved. Or maybe not loved just yet but really cared about. It was strange. My dreams can be a bit weird sometimes. Like in this one, I dreamed I was in a back yard and there was a large fence behind the house. I stepped onto the picnic table that was outside and looked over the fence and saw the largest pile of HUGE tires I've ever seen and a bit machine moving things around. It was a bit scary. It was like a junk yard but it looked a bit dangerous. I mean, Tires the size of a house piled up super high without anything holding it up. Scary. And apparently there were stray cats that lived there. Poor things. My cats weren't there though. Weird dream I tell ya! I also dreamed, with that guy in my dream, that he somehow got hurt and we had to take him to emergency or something but we were inside this huge building and it was taking forever to get out of there because of the amount of people around us! We hopped onto one of those indoor buggies, cars, whatever you call them, and the person started driving us out of there. Then we ran into a huge crowd that would NOT move out of the WAY! Then the driver took off and I had to take over and drive and ran over a few people. I didn't care though. I wanted to leave and get my guy some medical help. After that I think I woke up. Too bad!
The other night though I had another weird dream. I dreamed of the Newsboys. Oh they were in my dream! But not the new Newsboys. Phil Joel, Peter Furler and I think Jody Davis and Duncan Phillips were there and Jeff was probably somewhere in the background. But it was the newsboys I grew up loving. I miss them! :( But in my dream Phil had cut his hair short! ... oh my it was strange but he still looked cute and was as sweet as ever. I dreamed they were at my home and they were suppose to have a show in my back yard but it was raining so we cancelled and sat around and had coffee for a little while before they had to take off again. The figured they'd get a head start since they had to cancel the show. Too bad. It would have been cool to have my own concert in my dream. LOL Me and my weird dreams. I love them!
~L
The other night though I had another weird dream. I dreamed of the Newsboys. Oh they were in my dream! But not the new Newsboys. Phil Joel, Peter Furler and I think Jody Davis and Duncan Phillips were there and Jeff was probably somewhere in the background. But it was the newsboys I grew up loving. I miss them! :( But in my dream Phil had cut his hair short! ... oh my it was strange but he still looked cute and was as sweet as ever. I dreamed they were at my home and they were suppose to have a show in my back yard but it was raining so we cancelled and sat around and had coffee for a little while before they had to take off again. The figured they'd get a head start since they had to cancel the show. Too bad. It would have been cool to have my own concert in my dream. LOL Me and my weird dreams. I love them!
~L
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